It's Time for a Pivot.... Part 1

What. A. Month.  That might just be the understatement of the year.  I haven't posted in over a month and that has been for good reason.  This month has been a mixture of some of the shittiest moments of my life blended with some of the most amazing.  I felt completely lost and hopeless for a good part of it, but at the same time I've been able to renew my passion and excitement for my journey and the next steps I plan to take.  It all came back to remembering what the point of my hiatus was in the first place, and getting back to a place where I could confidently say that I'm on that path.

So let's back up a little bit.  All of my posts until now have mainly been about my pursuit as a professional poker player.  I've told stories from the tables, given a taste of what the lifestyle is like, and given my take on what it takes to get started.  I had committed myself to putting in the work necessary to become a world class poker player.  Before I go into what is happening next, I want to make it clear that I am not wavering from that commitment... yet.

When I first decided to take a year off from my 9 to 5 engineering job, it was never with the intention of becoming a professional poker player.  The reason I left was to take the time I needed to explore my curiosity, discover new passions, enjoy myself fully, figure myself out, and try and make something of myself from scratch.  I always knew poker would be in the picture; it was my main curiosity at the time, and I knew it would be the first thing I tried doing.  I never intended for it to be the only option, but at some point along the way, I fell into the trap of treating it like I had no other options.

So when my girlfriend Katie suggested to me that she wanted to leave her job to go to Central America to pursue her PADI Divemaster / Instructor scuba diving certification, I was not completely supportive at the time.  Part of me worried that the decision was made too hastily, part of me didn't understand what the certifications would ultimately be used for, and a huge part of me was just super jealous that she was going to be spending months doing one of my favorite activities in the world while I was stuck crunching numbers and hanging out in casinos all day.  A lot of my resistance was hypocritical, and all of my resistance came from a place that didn't have our future together in mind.

This blog post turned out to be way longer than I expected it to be, so I'm breaking it into three parts.  I'll release Part 2 tomorrow, and Part 3 on Friday.

P.S.  I got a cat.  Here's a picture of her being unhappy about the fact that I'm writing a blog post right now and not paying attention to her.  Say hello to Bruschi!!